Avada Moose Dava
by Jhacas and Friends
Summary: This is an insane story that includes green sheep, a purple moose, and gasts that have been flabbered. We offer sincerest apologies.Disclaimer: Nothing you recognise belongs to us. That means HP, GwaPE and Where is the Green Sheep? and lots more
1. Where is the green sheep?

_A/N: We are a bunch of partially insane 15 year olds. This was a traveling story, wherein we all wrote a line each. Forgive us our lunacy. We realise this doesn't make much sense, even to us, but damn, it was fun._

_Thanks for reading_

_ 3 Leesh Beesh, Sawah, Lunsa, Wenty, Jess from the West and Froley._

One day, Harry Potter wanted to catch a fish. So he waved his wand and a million tiny, tiny oopsilons, Ye gods they were small! So small, in fact, he was really a Vokadoo in disguise!

He grew a yellow submarine, shot out of the lake and hit them hard. So hard that Ron got walloped and Draco squealed. It was a very girly squeal, like a damsel in distress signal to Dumbledore. When Dumbledore heard he left his gay club and ran to Harry's side.

Then Snape and Harry met late at night in the potions lab and Harry said "Where is the Green Sheep?". Snape said, "Professor Dumbledore's office." Harry looked at him and screamed "Avada Moose Dava" and a purple moose dropped out of the sky.

"Jesus! PRAISE HIM!" Harry yelled. The class stared at him. "Oh Fut" he thought "Now I look like an idiot." Harry was flabbergasted. His gast had never been so flabbered. How dare Draco… "Oh, no!" cried Sirius. "I just killed my green sheep!"

_A/N: To clarify all the things that we have put in here, I have changed this chapter to include our personal jokes. _

_Oopsilon is german for Y and we just liked the word so we use it in any context not necessarily meaning Y. _

_Vokadoo is a green and yellow creature that our friend Samy made up in art one day. It is basically a big blob with an afro and a yellow nose. _

_Jesus! PRAISE HIM! Is a song from a bible rave that our friends went to because Guy Sebastian was going to be there and they just liked the song. _

_Hope that cleared up some things for you! _

_Oh, and we would like to thank The Enchanted Teakettle for our first review! _


	2. Moosification

_A/N: Hey! We have updated with another chapter! How... fun! Please R&R! Enjoy!_

Harry James Potter wanted to eat his chocolate cheesecake, so he took a knife and fork and screamed, "My God! A giant elephant! And it's pink! Whatever shall we do?"

Severus gave him a withering look. "You seem to be getting off topic." The topic is that Snape was walking along the trapese wire and he fell into Dumbledore's arms. "Oh Dumbledore! You saved the day!"

Ron and Hermione got bored, and decided to go play with their yoyos. Up and down, up and down the well into another land. Harry said "Oh no! A great giant chicken!" Harry was scared of chickens, ever since on bit him on the nose. His nose was bright red, but still, like a dancing statue participant who is not losing.

Harry took a sip from his big water bottle. His thirst was quenched at last.

Mr Richard was the new Transfiguration teacher because McGonagall was caught making out with Dumbledore. They were in love. Suddenly, Draco Malfoy mysteriously appeared!

"Bugger!" He shouted and went 'POP!' and turned into a ferret. Suddenly Malfoy got nailed to a moose. In the Wizarding World, this is called moosification. The moose decided to party all night at the Leaky Cauldron, where Aberforth Dumbledore was doing some nameless things with goats, beavers and assorted rodents.

Rodents are what Siri lived on when he was hiding in the cave in Hogsmeade. But now he's dead.

The pink moose fraba decided to kill Harry, but then his scar brought hi back as a faceless ugly teddy.

_A/N: Did you like? Yes? No? Maybe? Whatever you thought, let us know! R&R_


	3. Snape's dilemma

_A/N: Yay! Another chapter! Thanks must go to The Enchanted Teakettle for being our first reviewer! This chapter is dedicated to you!_

One happy day, while Harry Potter was doing high jump, Ron and Hermione ran up. "Harry, come quick and don't forget to eat your canary creams! We don't want you to look normal!" Harry had never looked like a normal, everyday person.

Draco Malfoy was running the 1500 metres race, but then he got tired, so he got on a moose and rode away.

"There must be a way! Aha!" yelled Dumbledore. Snape looked confused, but tried to smirk, which left him with Colin Creevey's camera. Harry danced the Macarena around Snape until he was so dizzy that he fell down. Snape nudged him with his boot, and a red and pink jumper that clashed horribly with Harry's newly dyed pink hair. Snape wanted pink hair too, so he collapsed in a heap.

Harry was annoyed. His life-long dream of opening a chicken farm was shattered. And it was all because of Sirius! If he hadn't taken the last marshmallow at the campfire, none of this would have happened!

"Oh no! The sky is falling!" But in fact it was an acorn. Draco threw the acorn into the lake, and the giant squid popped up to say hello, but everybody got scared because they thought it would eat them.

"Alohomora!" The treasure chest behind he opened with a squeak. The treasure was Harry's child hood collection of sugar. He always believed that sugar made the medicine go down. He shouted it. "Harry? Are you high?" asked Dumbledore. "No." replied Harry. "Well, do you want to be?"

_A/N: Read and review! 3 _


	4. Yawping Stance

_A/N: Yes, it true! We have updated with another chapter! Aren't you proud? _

Harry Potter was dead. In his head he was dead. Well, not really. He just wanted to watch a DVD. A DVD which tasted just like moosified chicken. "Sometimes chickens attempt to invade the earth, but it never works out too well." Said Draco, when suddenly, out of nowhere, came a pink and green hippogriff! Snape screamed like a girl, while Harry ate a blue balloon and exploded into a million pieces and then said "Aventamoosefifycada".

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Ha, ha, ha." Laughed Harry. "I like to move it, move it!" Sang Dumbledore. But no one knew of the dangers that they faced. It was a pigmy puff! "Ooh…." Ron screamed. "I love Hermione!" Then Ron got jealous of himself and killed himself.

Using a giant chicken enhancer, he powered his boat through the forbidden forest. Snape danced by, did a double take, and then a giant chicken rose up out of the ground and said "Get into your Yawping Stance!" so he ate a llama to give him super llama powers and he went to the moon.


	5. Dangerous Classroom

One unusually bright and sunny day, Harry Potter went into the Charms Classroom. But much to his dismay, the roof had sagged, like McGonagall's face. Draco, being the great big Nancy boy that he is, was very afraid. Nothing had ever scared him more. Suddenly, Ron burst in, holding tap dancing shoes, "I've changed my mind! I do want to tap-dance!" Snape heard him and gave him detention for being in the dangerous classroom.

Filch came in to fix the roof, but then he realized that the ceiling was very high and he couldn't fix it without magic. And of course, Filchy is a squib.

Outside, Hermione was frying ants with a magnifying glass and cackling. Lavender tried to calm her down, but Hermione just chased her. What they didn't know was that there was a mad axe-wielding murderer lurking outside the door! He was there because Dumbledore had to go to the office. Noone wanted to go with him, so he spontaneously combusted. Draco had a celebration. Harry jumped for joy and said, "By golly! I just realized I love moose fish cakes because Jesus (Praise him!) moosified Dumbledore and brought him back to life!" Dumbledore was overjoyed and went to break a hill, which has a penalty: A bad reputation and you may get raped by Hermione.

Hermy and Gilderoy were having a secret relationship and in truth, it was them who caused the roof to cave in.

After the show, which included and amazing bouncing ferret, Harry and Ron decided to go for a swim in the pool. Harry needed to go for a swim, so he did. And then Severus and Sirius started.

"To the fish bowl and beyond!" Shouted Draco and ran off and fell in the Lake but did not get eaten by the giant squid

_Wow. They just keep getting stupider and stupider, don't they? By the way, throughout the fic, it will often say "Jesus (Praise him!)". This is all Jess' fault. R&R!_


	6. The one that has nothing to do with HP

**Authors' Notes: **  
I'm sure we've already mentioned that we don't own Harry Potter or any of his friends and enemies, but I'd just like to point out that we don't own Girl With A Pearl Earring either.  
Anyone who has ever listened to Pottercast will recognise the references strewn throughout this chapter. Our apologies to John.

One day, Vermeer was walking with Griet. They were discussing symbolism, mainly that of knives and camera obscuras. Suddenly John decided to open the door and pole dance with the polar bear. He stopped before he got raped or robbed of all his worldly possessions. This was not something he wanted to happen because then there'd be dire consequences. And what devastating consequences they would be!

Suddenly, there was a distraction, and everyone was distracted. The distraction lasted for a minute and then stopped. In the aftermath, Vermeer and Griet cautiously raised their heads, unsure of what they would find. Mary Mother of Jesus! They could not believe it. Standing before them were thestrals. Luna popped out from behind a bush and said "They're called thestrals." John tried to copy, but failed like a great big faily thing. It was pathetic.

Vermeer knew this so he cried like a little girl. The author of this fic realised that she was a paedophile and was preying on young boys, about 10 or 11 years old. However it was regulation that they didn't wear underwear. This was shocking as underwear is generally considered a staple item of clothing, but after much debate, they decided to forgive and forget.

With nothing else to do, she hired the movie _Girl with a Pearl Earring _and laughed until she broke her spleen. When spleens become aggravated, they tend to react badly. They are very temperamental, but highly talented artists.

Griet is also talented, in fact, in blowing out candles with her nose. She insisted in using this special talent at birthdays, until health and safety regulations prevented it. She was sad, but they injected her with a sedative so then she felt scared, desperate and alone. So she decided to prostitute herself for the sake of all that is holy and right.

It is difficult to defend yourself against a blunt object in order to appear more intelligent to the public and we all know what that means (nudge nudge wink wink). Anyway, the point is that Johannes is not pronounced "**J**o-hannes", and that knives are the most idiotic objects to symbolise in the history of symbolic items.

Griet rulz (pfft, yeah right)!


	7. Harmoanian Dinner

**Authors' Notes:  
**We apologise for the redundancy, repetition and redundancy.  
**Warnings:  
** Squidwarts**  
** Harmoanians**  
**

"Only I know how to defeat the Dark Lord!" exclaimed Harry angstily, "Woe is me!" Hermione patted him on the back, don't worry Harry, the Harmoanians are coming to eat us!" Ron laughed until his spleen burst. He screamed in pain "My cervix!"

Hermione smirked at Claire, but she was busy drawing stars. So Claire rang Samy who said "I always pay for the nasal spray." So Claire used a piece of chocolate to convince Alana that she was not a sexual predator and told her that Mr Invisible was going to die in 7 days. Oh dear, Snape cried, because he and Mr Invisible were chess buddies and he died. However, he came back as a zombie and frightened millions of people and the millions of people were very frightened. They screamed in terror at the horrendous sight before them.

The giant squid was raping Hogwarts. I'd tell you about it in detail, but it's censored.

Unfortunately, Ron wasn't censored and ran wild in the garden with a bottle. Something bit him onto the ceiling. Then they ate tea on the ceiling and then they fell to the ground and dropped dead. Apart from Claire and Munga who made the really really crap bowler called Lunsa a world champion bowler, shocking Muggles everywhere.

The prize for winning the foot race was a date with Mr Palmer in a kilt. How enticing!! Anyway, back at the ranch, the ranch was burning down and was very hot. But that's not important because noone was there with her boyfriend.

Hermione was applying at Wendy's, because everyone has a gate. Harry was happy because he wanted to get free icecream. Icecream is cold and creamy. That was the favourite food of Joe, an eye surgeon. He ate eyecream for breakfast and then the ripe bananas gave off ethene gas which poisoned Claire and then she died and went to hell.

The Jhacas rejoiced because all the mungas had died and so they could finally win the bowling championships and TAKE OVER THE WORLD after they finished dinner. They were looking forward to dinner. It was "Crumbed Sheep's Brain, Kidney and Liver Pie and Spotted Dick Night".

And after dinner, they played strip poker but soon stopped, as they were interrupted by their mothers telling them to go to bed. When they were in bed they decided to tell each other bedtime stories. All the Weasleys told boring fairy tales but Hermione told very kinky tales about a man and his goat. These tales blew up his head and so he went to see a game of Penis played by the expert, Samy. She was so good at Penis that she always played for the Prime Minister to be assassinated.

It would require, well, not much effort because noone really wanted him to do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight, yeah, get down tonight. But he did anyway, just to spite, and spite he did. He did not account for, however, the horde of hippogriffs that insisted on going with him and annoying him. He was so annoyed by the annoying behaviour that, annoyingly, he shot the annoying perpetrator in an annoyed manner.

He also decided to shoot a chicken so he could eat its tongue. He had a couple - only a few - mental problems. So he decided to make biodegradable plastic, but then the British Plastics Federation said NO to plastic bags which are stupid and so are assignments on them. This is why she left Chemistry to go and eat a moose while dinner was being cooked. It took a while to make that crumbed brain. The sheep wouldn't stand still long enough! Bad experience with New Zealanders, apparently.

Anyway, that Harry has been diagnosed with Wizard AIDS, Hermione doesn't want him anymore. HMS Pumpkin Pie is sunk again! All the slashers rejoice! While all the other people cling onto their "delusions" and ignore the "anvil-sized hints" that just happen to be a really big problem, because it was hard hide the fact his mother was a vampire who killed a million people from Mars.

Then the man on the moon got bored and went to Mars for a "sleepover" if you want to live. He replied "Actually, I want to die and I'm also a terrorist, HAHA!" And then they blew up and died.


	8. The Saga of Claire

**Harry Potter and the Saga of Claire**

**A/N:** This chapter contains mention of hippogriffs, so technically it's still fanfiction.   
**Warnings:** Many run-on sentences   
Excessive use of Chemistry terms because Claire tried to sound smart. 

Once upon a time, at approximately 2:03pm, Claire was very fat and one day she exploded. Everyone was covered with bits of spleen. These bits flew over the world until Old Man Grav made them gravitate down to hit Mr Palmer in the face with the car. He fell off his bike, but was perfectly ok after he taught his Specialist Maths class with Palmy D. Palmy D was teaching them how to fut mathematically. It was a practical lesson. 

When the lesson finished, Jhacas(s) didn't want to stop so they went for a smoke on the front porch, but were interrupted by a herd of rampaging hippogriffs and they were very scared so they went to find the black and white monkeys. While they were looking for the monkeys, they started to bang coconuts together and play pranks on girls who were eating their own heads. But hypothetically, if Mr Gubbins were to eat his own head, then his enormous oopsilon. But noone was paying attention, because they were all just so interested in Chem. Boy oh boy! Those hygroscopic substances just as Ms Pillans was explaining some really complicated stuff in Chem, and everyone was really confused. Then they did a fun prac. Oh the hydrous and anhydrous CuSO4. It was just so exciting that all the students fell asleep. However, everything changed when Claire came in, because the plan was to seduce them. 

And then the metal thing was in the Fut Hut. Samy was in her haus hiding from the Mafia who wanted to kill her. While she was there, she heard Palmy D say, "I am gay." Claire came running across the room, "Nooooooo!" she screamed, clearly distraught. "But I thought you loved me?" "I have never loved you!" replied the old kangaroo. Then he shot him. I don't know why, but then he used anhydrous Claire's face to carry out the experiment. This didn't go down too well. Claire's face is pretty, but only to Claire. 

The weather indicator strip is pink! Ye gads! A storm is coming! Tie down the fixings and run, for your penis is bigger than everyone else's. 

Anyway, they then went and had a picnic and played "Pin the Tail on Lunsa." So Lunsa put the metal thingo in the old kangaroo's pocket by seducing him and hydrated water of nomenclatures in the electronegative mitochondrial intermolecular interactions blew up the Earth and everyone died.


End file.
